What doesn't break you, makes you stronger

My exam result was released officially last Friday.

So, how did I fare?

The result was alright, everyone would definitely say that it was alright but I was dissapointed.

Why?

Because, the result did not help me to increase my CGPA, which also means that my chance and pursuit to graduate with a honors first class degree is over! It's over! And I felt so bad.

People asked me, why is it so important for you to get that? And some would say what's the point of getting very high GPA and CGPA if in the end, everyone will graduate and all become teachers with the same basic salary and job?

One answer, SELF-SATISFACTION!

It's an accomplishment, an achievement where I can proudly tell myself that I have made it. I could make it as well as the others. It's probably hard for some to really understand this but nevermind. Everyone has their own way of looking at things.

Back to my result, I didn't blame anyone for whatever I got because I believe that "you'll get what you work for". I mean, if you really put your effort into something, you'll definitely succeed. If you work hard, you will get an excellent outcome out of it. As they say, "Hard work pays off". So, there is no way that one should blame anyone for his/her failure or whatnot, right?

I started off so badly and that had ruined my whole CGPA. My first 3 semesters were horrible and it was completely all my fault because I didn't work hard enough for it. So now, I bear the consequences myself.

This is how my every semester's GPA and CGPA look like so far,

Next semester will be the last one for me. So, even if I get like a perfect 4.0 GPA next semester, that will not be enough for me to up my CGPA to reach 3.75 which is the least CGPA one needs to get to graduate with honors first class degree in UPM. 

I must say I am really truly dissapointed with myself because I know if I really worked hard from the very beginning, it would have been different, slightly better perhaps.

But, I cannot turn back time. It is fated that way, so no point of complaining and regretting or resenting the past. The damage has been done and I've gotta accept it the way it is.In fact, I should be grateful to God for the blessing. And, I am for that matter. I truly really am.

I also did tell mom about it because I am doing all this for her as well. I felt as if I have disappointed her so much. But she said that she is more than happy for what I have achieved. It made me feel slightly relieved to hear that, though deep inside my heart, I am still disappointed and sad.

But, life must go on. This is not the end of everything. I believe there's so much more to come in life and I gotta get myself ready and prepared for something bigger in the future.

I don't have anything to prove to anyone. All I do is to prove to myself that I can push myself to the limit, that I can do as well as the others. That's all.

I guess, lesson learned and yeah, I look forward to what the future holds for me! :)

Toodles!